i'm all black&white.

I AM.

J.T! xD jeremy tan
sass
28/04/92
jt92@hotmail.com

Mood swings.

WANTS.

to love and be loved.
to win a championship.
to play the guitar.
to grow much more spiritually in-depth.

Escapes.

DJ! (:
Hendricks!(:
Rico!(:
Nick!
Natalie! (:
Tyn!
Edwin!
JORDAN! (:
Keith!
Daniel Lim!(:
Cheryl!
Marcus!
Taufiq!
Jeanie!!
Wayne!! (:
Veluriya!! (:
Vanessa HAN!! (:
kevin yau!!

credits

designer: MarMar
base codes: missSECRET
image: monkey07
image hosting: Photobucket

Jukebox

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Dismantle. Repair.

Death is imminent to all.
What would i feel then,
If you faded away:
Anguish, loss?
Or maybe just a blank, cold emotion.

A father you never were,
where was the warmth and love that we so desired,
but you slept in throughout the seasons instead,
frequent quarrels that echo the corners of this house,
i try to cover my ears;
but what could conceal the economic woes that plague us?

What if Ma were to go,
taken away by all the constant headaches that haunts her each night?
What would happen to this house then.
How much i want to tell her that i appreciate everything she has done,
but the pride and ego that stands in the way,
that i can hide in my room like a coward,
and whisper a prayer to keep her safe every night.

Prayer. Prayer. Prayer.
Church. People. God.
Judgements. Expectations. Pressure.
So hard, to just keep up.
I feel like a stranger in this home, this zone, this cell even.
Where's the foothold that i once built,
I find myself slipping away.

God, in your power, would you make some sense of this.
I dont want to cling onto the expectations of Men, but You alone.

If only, if only.
Girl, you were by my side,
to wipe these tears away from my eyes.
to love and be loved.
But No.
expectations, expectations.

Break me down tonight.

and the page ends here.; 9:54 AM

***

Friday, November 20, 2009

and you'd break your neck just to keep your chin up high.

and the page ends here.; 7:27 AM

***

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Landscape of the beginning.

Let it be a perfect heart for all your sweet romances.

Take my pride to cast the stone and justify my right.

Look beyond this...

Have you ever given orders to the morning,

Or shown the dawn its place to shake the earth of its ill.

Do you know the dwelling of the paths of light,

Or how the east wind scatters over our skin?

Can you bind the twinkling of the stars or loose the cords of Orion’s noble charge

Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons

Could you fathom that?

May it be a perfect love for us to give the hopeless.

Take my life, I worry far too much beyond my might.

Look beyond this...

Do you know when the mountain goats are due birth,

Or watch when the doe bears her fawn.

Do you know who let the wild donkeys go free

Or why the ostrich flaps her wings?

Do you give the horses their strength and mane or why they shun no sword or trumpets reign Do you command the eagle to soar or slay his prey

Could you fathom that?

Is this pain going to take control of me

You have to be with me God in your power could you make some sense of this

I'm fighting for you only.

God if I crumble could you take me back to forever

So I could love you beyond this

So I could love you beyond this...

and the page ends here.; 8:04 PM

***

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

i hope its gonna make you notice.

just our hands clasped so tight,

your smooth palm fit oh so perfectly into mine,

we layed there in the midst of silence,

in which i saw one's mild sobriety.

Your hair that grazed my face,

my defence oh so paper thin,

such sweet scent that tugged at my heart,

why do i feel so vulnerable?

My utmost admiration of a love so austere,

a mirage of a perfect love,

as i await in anticipation.

But up to then,

your just a slender picture in my mind,

that slender that flickers every now and then.

and the page ends here.; 7:18 AM

***

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Expectations, expectaions. Fuck You.

promoting suddenly isnt just about yourself,
its those around you:
the people whom you spent almost your entire childhood growing up with.

i want my friends back.

and all of the sudden,
i'm just caught between a web of emotions,
one of relief, ecstasy, and that of anguish.

stay strong guys.
i believe God has plans for all of you.
ah.

and the page ends here.; 9:38 PM

***

Thursday, October 15, 2009

At the end of the day.

From the beginning of the year up till now, my life in jc has taught me many things and experiences alike. My eyes were open to the bitches and bastards, the hypocrites and bootlickers, and who your actual true friends were. I dare say life in SAJC has been tough, pretty much a stuggle for me to keep up with the hectic schedules, considering there's rugby and my serving in church. I finally understood the meaning of being humble over these period of times, when complacency could actually cost your team the semi finals of the rugby game. I dare say God rebuked and reminded me a couple of times to be humble throughout this year, to be thankful of what i'm blessed with and learn how to appreciate tose blessings.

Yet, Theres clearly a fine line between what can you can do, and how much can you actually do. So much so that i've found myself studying pretty hard consistently throughout the year, but always came close to passing all my exam papers. Come Friday, i might be presented with a tough dilemna when i get those results back.

To be honest, i was really touched when Jannah came and hugged me and told me that she would cry if i really had to retain. But a man is a prideful one, i must not shed any tears on that day. No, i musnt.

I've been thinking. And i feel that i really owe nichoas an apology. That i kinda dragged him into the shit in JC, hen he could have make the best out of his abilities in poly. Now he's facing retaining as well. Fuck you JT.

But whether or not i have to face making the decision, i just pray that all that happens, is in God's will for me.

Ah, theres so much thats tearing me inside out now.
But no, i will not cry.
i musn't.

and the page ends here.; 8:31 AM

***

Friday, October 2, 2009

just let me be.
i want nothing of the lies, burdens and troubles.
i cant seem to maintain a stronghold with God.
i dont want to be weary and tired anymore.

i just want to be free.

and the page ends here.; 10:56 AM

***

Saturday, September 5, 2009

*Fin

Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire
And nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It's me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell.
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
Is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had:
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart.

This is not heaven
This is my hell.

and the page ends here.; 12:03 PM

***

Sunday, August 9, 2009

i tell you the truth.

we're all the facade that we all seem to avoid.
we're nothing but the false fronts and sweet sparks,
that are meant to satisfy the person next to us.

every single word, or actions,
are just a tool to throb your heartstings.

bullshit.

and the page ends here.; 11:38 AM

***

Friday, July 3, 2009

i seem to have too many wants and needs,

but too little capabilities to attain them.

1.electric guitar!

2.moleskine?

3.new clothes!

4.NEW SONGS.

cmon cmon, i need a breakthrough.

and the page ends here.; 11:16 AM

***

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

and when we find out we're all slaves to money.

to be confined within the towering walls of,
expecations and limitations.

a tamed animal,
that has becomed of him,
deprived of his desires and ideals, he is.

sedated, and tranquilised.
down on our knees, are we not?

but i will breakthrough,
with this covenant my Lord has formed with me.

and the page ends here.; 11:50 AM

***

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

birthmarked.

maybe.

are we more than just the semen that comes out way too fast?

and the page ends here.; 11:47 AM

***

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

the sucker punch show.

and all of a sudden,
i just find myself missing people,
people who once touched my heart,
but have drifted ever since.

we've all made our choices.
we've all chose our lives,
sadly.

and the page ends here.; 9:57 PM

***

Saturday, June 13, 2009

acoustic tears.

if only i had that voice.

and the page ends here.; 11:24 AM

***

Thursday, June 11, 2009

neverland.

what if,
it was just me and you,
no words spoken
as silence unfolds.

but our presence shall speak forth,
of passion and love,
that surrounds and,
we indulge in.

wholeheartedly, i will.
but would you stand with my slience?

and the page ends here.; 12:31 PM

***

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

building the spirit man.

Mould me Lord.
i submit unto You,
with tongues and praises.

and the page ends here.; 12:26 PM

***

Friday, May 29, 2009

beyond boundaries.

i've kept myself shrivelled up,

concealed, and hidden,

layer by layer,

of words, thoughts and emotions unknown.

i'd give you an onion,

but would you gently slice it,

layer by layer,

to reach into me?

and as you do so,

uncovering and unwrapping,

layer by layer,

would you tear like how an onion causes you to tear?

but as i submit myself to your kitchen knife,

willingly, i will,

layer by layer,

embrace your blade and beauty.

but what you'l never see is my heart,

that i fear, i can never bear to you.

and the page ends here.; 10:54 AM

***

Sunday, May 17, 2009

darlin'.

And I can not stop thinking about you,

I can not stop wondering if you're constantly thinking about me.

Don't close your eyes dear,

I'm still staring.

I won't lie dear,

I'm still breathing,

even though your beauty is breath taking.

Sweet Darling,

this is my confession to,

the crimes of wanting you badly.

And Darlin' if you're wondering,

here's your answer:

yes, I like you.

I don't love you I can't love you.

Or at least i dont think that i do.

and the page ends here.; 8:23 AM

***

Thursday, May 14, 2009

spiders.

If God was on the radio,

I know he'd say to thee:

Love is spiders on the edge,

and we're hanging by a thread,

connected to the other end

of this twisted frequency I've spun,

But I don't care, I'd be happy,

If you'd share,your web,

with me.

So come on, come on,

and say so,

come on, come on and say so.

and the page ends here.; 8:24 AM

***

And you tell me that the grass is greener on the other side.

how can i believe you,
when i've never seen or been to this vibrant sight before.

and the page ends here.; 8:10 AM

***